


LINKED- A Philkas one shot

by Stylinsonhorayne



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 08:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11287293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stylinsonhorayne/pseuds/Stylinsonhorayne
Summary: Lukas is dealing with feelings.Post-season 1 of Eyewitness.





	LINKED- A Philkas one shot

_He towers over the bed, peering under it, searching for Philip. My Philip. I grab the frying pan and throw the closet door open. Or... I try. The door doesn't open. My feet won't move. The man cocks his gun and Philip cries out. I scream._

Lukas jerks awake, breathing rapid, shallow breaths. Philip stirs beside him and opens his eyes. "Lukas?" He whispers groggily, rubbing his eyes. "You okay? It's three a.m."

"Nightmare," Lukas mumbles and lays back down.

"I thought you weren't having them anymore." Philip's brow furrows in concern and Lukas sighs, rubbing his face.

"I wasn't," Lukas lies. If anything, they had gotten worse. He had just gotten better at hiding them.

He didn't want to feel like a burden.

Philip presses a kiss to Lukas's forehead and stands up. "What are you doing?"

"Making tea."

"Philip..." Lukas whines and Philip rolls his eyes, grinning his dopey grin.

"Lukas," Philip mocks in the same whiny tone. "Sorry, babe. Tea helps calm the nerves," he explains and Lukas sighs. "And it helps you go to sleep. I'm not just making it for you. And I'm already awake, so..."

"Fine," Lukas grumbles and starts to sit up again. Philip walks over to him and kisses him softly, smiling at him.

"Does it still hurt?" Philip whispers and Lukas shrugs.

"Sometimes."

"Does it hurt now?"

"A little," Lukas admits hesitantly and Philip frowns. "It isn't that bad; it's more of a cramp, really."

"All right," Philip says dubiously and Lukas nods. Philip kisses him again and walks into the kitchen. Lukas sighs and pushes himself off the bed, grunting with effort. He goes into the bathroom and locks the door behind him. He can't breathe. He runs his fingers through his hair, damp with cold sweat. "Lukas?" Philip calls and Lukas frowns. "Where are you?"

"B-bathroom. I'll be out in a second!" Lukas stammers. He bites his lip and lifts up his shirt, grimacing as he sees the gunshot wound. He takes his shirt off and walks into the kitchen. Philip smiles when he sees him, kisses him softly as he hands him a mug of tea.

"You okay?" He inquires and Lukas nods, staring at the bottom of the mug."Yeah, I'm good."

Philip slowly nods and they sit down on the bed. Philip takes his phone out and starts playing the mix he made for them. "Hey..." Lukas mumbles.

"What's up?" Philip asks, biting his upper lip. "Nothing. I just, uh... wanted to say that I love you. Haven't said that for a few hours."

"I love you, too," Philip chuckles and rests his head on Lukas's shoulder. "I'm sorry you're having nightmares again."

"It's just the same one," Lukas tells him in a soft voice. "The one where I can't save you. I just stand there and watch him shoot you." Philip kisses him softly and sighs, staring up at him and studying his face.

"Drink your tea."

* * *

 

Lukas wakes up at 1 p.m. "Shit!"

"Helen called in and said I was sick. Bo said you were sick, too. It's fine, Lukas," Philip says from the living room. He's splayed out on the couch watching SpongeBob. Lukas nods and gingerly gets off the bed, wincing. He hobbled over to the couch, hand hovering over his side, and Philip sits up, staring at him with concern. Lukas rolls his eyes as Philip helps him sit down. "Does it hurt?"

"It's fine," Lukas sighs.

"You sure? Because it kind of look like-"

"It's fine, Philip!" Lukas snaps and Philip bites his lip, nodding slowly and staring at his feet. "Sorry. Philip, I'm so sorry-"

"I get it," Philip tells him, forcing a sad smile. "I'm, uh... I'm gonna go see if Helen is home." Lukas groans and watches Philip leave. _Lucky_ , he thinks. _He can walk so... smoothly. No pain_. He stares at his lap for the seven of the fifteen minutes Philip is gone. Then he forces himself to stand up and walk to the bathroom. He stares at his reflection and lifts his hands up. He frowns when he sees the deep scratches on his fingers, blood slowly trickling out. "Shit..." He turns the sink on and washes his hands, wincing. He covers the scratches with band-aids and walks back to the living room. 

Philip returns five minutes later with a small box of Frosted Flakes. "Sugary deliciousness," Philip tells Lukas, shaking the box. Lukas tries to hold back his smile, he really does. Philip smiles back and sits down beside him. Lukas starts opening the box of Frosted Flakes as Philip talks.

"Why did you snap at me like that?"

"Not sure," Lukas mumbles and Philip sighs.

"You're a horrible liar. I mean, I get it, I was being pushy, but you don't- you don't have to- I'm just worried about you," Philip stammers, wringing his hands.

"Why?"

"Why? Because you've gotten... eight hours of sleep the past two weeks! You say you're feeling fine but it looks like you're in pain. I don't like watching you hurting," Philip exclaims. "I don't understand why you have to bottle it all inside."

Lukas sighs and drops his head in his hands, groaning. "I don't... I don't know. I think it sometimes feels like..."

"Like what?" Philip asks, resting a hand on Lukas's thigh.

"I think... I'm not sure. It, uh... it sometimes seems like you're only staying with me because you feel guilty."

"Guilty?" Philip echoes and Lukas nods. "What would I feel guilty about?"

"I don't know. My PTSD. I mean, if you were dealing with this I would feel like it was my fault. Although it really is... If I wasn't a fucking coward-"

"You're not a coward, Lukas," Philip whispers, biting his lip. "You knocked that guy out with a frying pan!"

"I couldn't imagine him hurting you," Lukas mumbles.

"You would have done the same."

"I would have wanted to," Philip says. "I don't know if I would have been able to, though. God, it would have torn me apart." It was Lukas's turn to comfort Philip. He rests a hand on Philip's knee and Philip glances at him. He bites his lip and Lukas smiles at him. He presses their foreheads together and Philip closes his eyes.

"Is Helen home?" Lukas whispers and Philip shakes his head, mouthing "no."

"She's working late. No surprise there. And I think Gabe and your dad are fishing together or something," Philip says and Lukas snorts.

"Are they best friends now?"

"Probably," Philip sighs and smiles, leaning forward and kissing him. "So, we have the place to ourselves. What do you want to do?"

"You," Lukas grins as he speaks and Philip rolls his eyes, chortling.

"You're so subtle," Philip laughs and pushes Lukas onto his back. Lukas reaches for Philip's wallet and takes the condom out. Philip takes it from his hands and tears it open with his teeth.

* * *

 

 A week later and Lukas still can't stop thinking that Philip is only with him for guilt. Guilty because he wants to leave him but he can't because he has PTSD and he doesn't want Lukas to try to hurt himself. Lukas sometimes does, though. He rubs and picks at the healing bullet wound. It's not really to hurt himself, though. Just to remind himself that if he wasn't such a coward, he wouldn't have gotten shot and put Philip in danger.

At the same time, though, causing himself pain reminded him that he was there. He was alive, safe, with the love of his life. Whenever he was stressed and alone, not with Phillip. Philip kept him grounded, and without him... Lukas felt like he was falling down a dark hole he would never be able to get out of. Picking his fingers helped. He had several scabs on his fingers from where he picked them raw. Lukas's phone rings and he stares at the Philip's picture for several long moments before answering it. "Hey."

"Can I come over?" Philip asks. He voice sounds shaky and almost... scared. Like he's been crying.

"Yeah, of course. I think my dad is here, though."

"That's fine. I'll be over in a few minutes." Lukas pulls the phone away from his face and watches as Philip's picture goes away. Lukas stares at his phone until his bedroom door opens and Philip appears. Philip says nothing, just crawls under the covers with Lukas and buried his head in Lukas's shirt.

"What happened?"

"I was looking through my moms stuff and I- I remembered that she's g-gone," Philip stammers. "And-and that I almost l-lo-lost you. But then I remembered that you're alive and I just... I wanted to see you because I was thinking that maybe you weren't and hearing your voice wasn't enough."

Lukas frowns and kisses Philip's head. "I'm alive," he whispers and Philip nods, sniffling. He wraps his arms around Philip and holds him. Philip stops crying after a while and closes his eyes.

"You were in a coma," Philip mumbles. "I couldn't do anything to help you."

"I'm here now," Lukas says. "I'm here now."

* * *

 

Lukas wakes up and sees Philip laying beside him, still asleep. He is squeezing Lukas's arm and snoring quietly. Lukas smiles and stares at Philip. Philip's eyes flutter open and he smiles at Lukas. "Morning," Lukas whispers and kisses Philip on the forehead.

"Morning. How did you sleep?"

"No nightmares," Lukas says and Philip grins. "I dreamed of you and me."

"What about us?"

"I'm not sure," Lukas mumbles. _About how you're only with me because you'll feel bad if you leave me because I have PTSD._ "But it wasn't bad?" Philip asks and Lukas nods. "Wasn't bad."

"Good. Hey," Philip whispers, biting his lip.

"What?"

"I love you." He kisses him softly and smiles at him.

"I love you, too," Lukas whispers and bites his lip.

"Are you okay, Lukas?" Philip asks and Lukas nods, staring at the ceiling. "Lukas... I can tell when you're lying. What's wrong?"

"You don't- I mean, you don't need- don't feel like you're obligated to stay with me, all right?" Lukas mumbles and Philip bites his lip.

"Why would I feel obligated to stay with you?"

"Because..." Lukas trails off and sighs. Philip sits up and stares at him, a sad frown on his face. _Sadness really doesn't look good on him,_ Lukas thinks. "Because if you hang out with someone and the next day they're really sick, you blame yourself."

"What- Lukas, what the hell are you talking about?" Philip chuckles.

"I don't know. I mean, it's my fault for the whole... Cabin Shooter thing. I should have- if I just told Helen then-"

"Luka, it wasn't your fault," Philip whispers and Lukas shakes his head, sniffling.

"No, it was. It was my fault, Philip, and I-I have PTSD now and you don't want to leave me because you'll feel guilty because I'll think you'll only be leaving me because I'm dependent on you and I will think that because it'll be true and I just don't want you to feel obligated to stay with me," Lukas rambles and Philip chuckles.

"I don't feel obligated. I want to be with you. I love you, Lukas," Philip tells him, holding Lukas's face and staring at him. "I don't want to be without you. I don't care if you're dependent on me- fuck, I don't care if you become a vegetable and I have to help you eat and go to the bathroom and breathe. I'm not gonna leave you."

Lukas looks down and sniffles. Philip kisses his head and exhales shakily. "You won't leave me?" Lukas asks and Philip laughs, shaking his head, tears falling from his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

"No. Never."


End file.
